Should I make my baby sleep in a swing?
Should I make my baby sleep in a swing? Although I love most traditional sleep practices like babywearing, bedsharing, breastfeeding and rocking babies, there is one practice that we really need to say goodbye to and fast – and that is the traditional swing/ jhula/ cradle/ hammock/ thooli. While it can initially seem as though a baby is sleeping very well in a swing and this is a convenient alternative to holding a baby in our arms for naps, I would strongly advise you against it because: 1. Swings are unsafe, especially once the baby learns to roll over 2. There is a suffocation/asphyxiation/SIDS risk 3. In-motion naps are not restful (just think about the fitful sleep we all experience in a moving train or car or even plane) and can lead to overtiredness 4. Swings are very difficult to wean off 5. They come in the way of bedsharing, nursing lying down and bridging of naps 6. It is an artificial replacement for the physical closeness of holding or bedsharing that a human infant is biologically programmed to seek 7. It can hamper the breastfeeding relationship by replacing nursing sessions as a soothing method and lead to low supply I have seen umpteen cases of parents that have 7 or 8 month old babies whose babies are sleeping in a manner that is just impossible to manage. Short naps, frequent wakings, early morning wakings, active nightwakings, even day/night confusion. These babies, who were sleeping blissfully in a swing when younger, are now unable to sleep with a swing or without a swing. They are either waking multiples times at night because they need that swinging motion or they are overtired due to in-motion naps. A lot of the natural cues and behaviours that both babies and parents develop in the normal course of things have not been allowed to develop due to the use of the swing. Parents are not accustomed to holding a baby and bridging naps. Baby doesn’t accept other methods of soothing to sleep. It is all a vicious cycle and a big mess. If you are already using a swing, I would encourage you to wean it as quickly as possible. Replace it with holding in your arms, babywearing, rocking and walking. It will take 2 to 3 weeks to wean entirely and for sleep to improve. But it will be completely worth it.
Should I put my baby down “drowsy but awake”?
Should I put my baby down “drowsy but awake”? The short answer: NO. The idea that one should put baby down “drowsy but awake” and hence “break sleep associations” or “teach baby to sleep on her own” is a pet concept of most sleep trainers. The idea is that, since all babies – like adults – wake at the end of a sleep cycle, they should find themselves in the same conditions that they fell asleep in, otherwise they will cry for those conditions to be recreated. The common example that is cited is: imagine you have fallen asleep on a nice, comfy bed (aka in your parents’ arms, being rocked or at the breast) and then you wake up and find yourself on the kitchen floor (the crib or bed) – would you not be upset? So, babies should not fall asleep at the breast because they will then want it every time they wake and will not be able to fall back asleep on their own. I find this example very confusing. Here we are clearly saying that the equivalent of the comfy bed is the breast or the parents’ arms. And yet….we want our babies to fall asleep on the kitchen floor?? This is just a fancy marketing gimmick. It sounds logical but it’s based on outdated behaviourist theory – that if you do something repeatedly, the baby will get used to it. We know now that parental soothing is a biological need. Babies cannot “get used to” not having it. What they can get used to is the idea that crying will not achieve anything and so they should experience the stress but internalize it. Several sleep experts absolutely dismiss the entire idea of “breaking sleep associations”. Firstly, very few babies actually accept the whole “drowsy but awake” thing without protest and some amount of crying. I know that mine would be instantly wide awake if I ever tried anything like that. We would then be back to square one in the soothing to sleep process and baby would then be overtired. Even if your baby accepts it and manages to complete the falling asleep process on her own, there is no guarantee that he will wake less frequently or that not having a parent-dependent sleep association means they can bridge sleep cycles on their own. Breaking sleep associations is a form of sleep training. It’s basically trying to teach a baby to “self-settle”, which is unscientific as babies don’t have a developed prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) that would allow this kind of logical reasoning. I have seen so many parents get so anxious about why their baby isn’t falling asleep drowsy but awake. And it causes babies stress too. That’s because it’s totally unscientific and goes against the basic instincts of both parents and babies. Providing a baby the correct, age-appropriate form of soothing and practicing sleep parenting works much more beautifully and pays off hugely in the end.
Will feeding infant formula help my baby sleep?
Will feeding infant formula help my baby sleep? Although urban legend claims formula fed babies sleep longer, there is no scientific evidence to support this. The few studies that have been done to compare the sleep of breastfed and formula fed babies do not show a statistically significant difference. Anecdotal evidence from parents around us also gives varying reports. Many formula feeding parents are equally sleep deprived and exhausted. Some do testify to longer stretches of sleep. However, there are several other parenting practices that are not accounted in these cases and so it is difficult to draw any solid conclusions. Formula is heavier than breastmilk and takes longer to digest. While this can lead to some longer stretches of sleep in the newborn stage when baby tummies are really very small, the heaviness of formula can also cause stomach troubles like gas which can disturb sleep. Furthermore, the link between a full stomach and long hours of sleep is not strong. If it was, the introduction of solids would ensure breastfed babies too slept longer hours, which doesn’t happen. In fact, breastmilk contains the sleep hormone melatonin, which induces sleep. Breastfed babies wake more easily from active sleep, perhaps due to the sleep hormones. And while this makes them more prone to nightwakings, it is also probably what contributes to the lower risk of SIDS recorded amongst breastfed babies. Studies show that, while breastfed babies may be waking more, breastfeeding mums report more sleep. Nursing mothers benefit from high levels of sleep-inducing hormones like prolactin, experience more than double the normal duration of nocturnal slow wave sleep, and may be able to sleep during night-time feeds, if they bedshare and nurse lying down. Babies sleep longer hours/ sleep through the night when they are developmentally ready for it. They wake for several reasons at night – at the end of sleep cycles or due to some internal or external factor that they are incapable of regulating on their own. No single factor, like milk source, can override this developmental trajectory.
Decoding 3 pieces of sleep jargon
Decoding 3 pieces of sleep jargon: “active nightwakings”, “overtiredness” and “circadian rhythms” Active nightwakings: What we call “active nightwakings” (or “split nights”) are basically occasions when a baby wakes up at night and is not easily soothed back to sleep and wants to wake fully and play. These are different from the normal wakings that are a few seconds or minutes long, where a baby is easily soothed back to sleep through feeding or rocking or, when they are older, with a cuddle. Active nightwakings can be excruciatingly exhausting for parents and, on most occasions, do indicate an issue in the baby’s sleep that can be easily rectified. The second type of waking is a normal part of baby sleep. In fact, all human beings wake several times every night as all of us actually sleep in “cycles” where we transition from light sleep to deep sleep to REM sleep and then back to light sleep. We all wake in between each and every cycle but, as adults, we are able to roll over or pull up a blanket or fluff a pillow or snuggle our partner and fall back asleep, not even realizing that we are actually awake. Babies wake in quite the same way between sleep cycles but they are unable to fall back asleep on their own and need the help of a caregiver to drift back into a new sleep cycle. This is absolutely biologically normal. For breastfed babies, the easiest way to “bridge” sleep cycles is to simply nurse them. Otherwise babies can be bottle-fed or rocked or walked or, once they are older toddlers, patted or cuddled. The brief, non-active wakings are nothing to worry about and are part and parcel of baby sleep. They reduce organically n as babies grow older and develop the ability to connect sleep cycles on their own. There is absolutely no need for any kind of “sleep training” or development of “self-soothing” as the very idea is unscientific. It is akin to “training” our 6-month-olds to “walk” by repeatedly not picking them up. It makes no sense at their developmental stage. The best that we can do is have an age appropriate sleep routine throughout the day and ensure baby is not overtired and has a conducive sleep environment. These steps can go a long way in reducing wakings. The other type of waking – an “active nightwaking” – is different and can be much more exhausting for both babies and parents. After the age of 4 months, when a baby’s circadian rhythms have formed and baby has some concept of day and night, a baby will not usually wake to play at night. If she does, it means something is going on. One possibility is that the baby does not have an age appropriate sleep schedule – meaning, the right number and length of naps, optimum gaps between naps or a suitably early bedtime. Another is that the sleep environment is not conducive, like it isn’t pitch dark and quiet or the temperature is not comfortable. This can all be rectified with some effort and management on the parents’ part. The parent will need to learn about what routine is best for the baby’s current age and then help the baby into that routine by being sensitive to baby’s cues. It is also possible that baby is going through a specific phase like a “nap transition” (shifting from a higher number of naps to a lower number of naps per day) or a “sleep regression” (a temporary disturbance in sleep due to immense cognitive and physical development). In this case, not much can be done and we need to ride it out. It will pass in a few days or a couple of weeks. So, how exactly should we tackle an active nightwaking while it’s happening at night? When baby wakes up, continue to keep it dark. You can soothe baby with your voice and shush baby as you try to make her sleep again by feeding or rocking. If baby does not fall back asleep in about 20 minutes, you may need to throw in the towel and let baby play for a certain amount of time before once again soothing the baby back to sleep. Continuing to soothe an awake baby for over an hour can be extremely frustrating, to no avail. The next morning, though, it’s important to analyse what the reason for the active nightwaking could be in order to figure out how to deal with it. Overtiredness: When we stay awake past our optimum awake window, we are overtired. Think about a day when you’ve felt very tired around 10 pm, sat down to finish some work and then hit the sack around midnight, only to find that you’re feeling wired and awake now, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. When our bodies feel tired, they release a stress hormone called “cortisol” to wake us up. Babies are very sensitive to cortisol production. They have certain “awake windows” – spans of time that they can be awake at a certain age – before they need to sleep again, or risk cortisol production. These awake windows are determined by our “homeostatic rhythms”, which create sleep pressure and tell us when to fall asleep (something our “circadian rhythms” do as well, though only at night). Overtiredness is actually the bane of baby sleep. It is extremely important to help our babies fall asleep when we observe early sleep cues. If we miss these cues, our babies’ bodies will fill with the stress hormone, cortisol, and they will suddenly seem awake again – a second rush of energy that is called the “second wind” and that misleads us into thinking our babies are not ready to sleep. Soon, our babies and toddlers will become hyperactive and, eventually, cranky. If we wait till our babies are cranky to recognize that they need to sleep, we will find them to be fussy at the breast
Is nursing to sleep a bad habit?
Is nursing to sleep a bad habit? Nursing to sleep is the biological norm. It is how nature intended babies to sleep. The suckling motion promotes sleep and produces sleepy hormones in both the mother and the baby. Breastmilk produced at night contains the sleep hormone, melatonin – which plays a vital role in regulating the baby’s circadian rhythms (day/night body clock). Babies also feed well when they are asleep, while they may be distracted when awake. Moreover, nursing creates comfort and security. The physical closeness with the parent helps them sleep better. It’s actually the perfectly designed sleep solution! Babies do not form habits. Nor do they manipulate or “remember” that they should do something in order to get a particular result. Their neocortex (thinking brain) is simply not developed enough. They only follow their biological programming and, when they are able to outgrow it naturally, they do. If need be, nursing to sleep can be replaced by rocking or walking, especially with an alternate caregiver. This association can be created gradually over time and most babies respond very well to multiple methods of falling asleep. Having said that, for the mom, nothing is easier and more convenient than nursing to sleep! It is much less labour intensive than rocking or walking or bottle feeding. A mum can bedshare and nurse lying down. She barely needs to wake when her baby does. So, nursing to sleep leads to much more undisturbed and continual sleep for a mom!
What are sleep regressions and nap transitions?
What are sleep regressions and nap transitions? A sleep regression is a temporary disturbance in a baby’s sleep pattern. As the term suggests, a baby takes a few steps “back” in the way she sleeps by waking more frequently or resisting naps and bedtime or having active nightwakings or taking shorter naps or waking earlier in the morning than she did before the regression. These are usually caused by neurological changes and cognitive development. So, it is important to note that sleep regresses but the baby is undergoing a “progression” in actuality. Regressions commonly occur at ages like 4 months (when sleep cycles and circadian rhythms are being formed), 8-10 months (when there is massive physical development and baby starts crawling and cruising, experiencing separation anxiety and also teething), 12 months (walking), 16 months (speech development and walking), 18 months, 21 months and 24 months (all 3 linked to immense speech and cognitive development). This is a time when our babies need our support more than ever. The best way to handle regressions is to try to stick to the sleep schedule to the extent possible and give babies all the extra nurturing they need. They may need a different mode of soothing, they may need to be held while they sleep, they may need our understanding during active nightwakings. We need to avoid overtiredness as much as possible and just ride it out. Almost an entirely new person awaits us on the other side! A nap transition is a different sort of disruption in the baby sleep journey. Babies change the number of daytime naps they take quite regularly. Just when we think we’ve got their (and therefore our, the house’s and the entire universe’s) routines in order, bam! They drop a nap and the whole world turns on its axis🙂 Babies need a fair amount of daytime sleep. As they grow older, the total amount of daytime sleep reduces gradually and it also consolidates into fewer naps. This is a neurological phenomenon. They can stay awake for longer between naps (they need a longer period of time awake to build up “sleep pressure” – which is determined by their homeostatic rhythms) and they also need longer stretches of sleep at a go. So, at 4 months old, they take 5 naps totaling about 5 hours of sleep. At 5 months, they still sleep 5 hours but they take 4 naps – some of which may be longer than before. At 6 months, they shift to 3 naps totaling 4 hours of sleep. At 8 months, they shift to 2 naps totaling 3.5 to 4 hours of sleep. Between 15 and 21 months, they shift to one mammoth nap of 3 hours. Eventually, the length of that nap reduces to 2.5 then 2 and then maybe even 1.5 hours by the age of 4 years. Somewhere between the age of 3 and 5 years, children stop napping altogether and sleep 12 hours straight at night. Nap transitions can be tricky to manage because they usually take a few weeks to settle. There can be a long period of time when baby takes a higher number of naps on some days and a lower number on other days. This can be accompanied by nap resistance, bedtime resistance, short naps, active nightwakings and early morning wakings. Usually, the way to handle it is to help baby expand the awake windows between naps gradually and to also provide a lot of support to baby to lengthen the naps. Lengthening the naps and providing a super early bedtime (often 6 pm) helps baby manage without the extra nap.
Why does my baby wake up when I put her down?
Why does my baby wake up when I put her down? It’s a familiar scene. Your baby has drifted off to sleep after feeding or rocking and you’ve waited patiently for her to show all the signs of being in deep sleep. You try gingerly to put her down on the bed. Maybe you even succeed…for 3 seconds. And then the eyes pop open. Uh-oh! Start from scratch. This is actually extremely normal. Human babies are born at a very immature and early stage of gestation. Research theorizes that human pregnancies would actually need to be 18-21 months long for our babies to be born at the same stage of development (and independence) as many other mammal babies. So, human babies need a lot of womb-like care and physical contact at all times and especially to sleep well. The first 3 months of life are called the “fourth trimester” but babies can need to be held to sleep well for 9-10 months and beyond. It is an evolutionary survival instinct to sense separation from their caregiver and immediately wake and cry for that security again It is very normal for babies to need “contact naps” or napping when held or, later, a parent lying next to them. This may sound inconvenient but it is a biological need that we need to meet. Otherwise, we will have an overtired, sleep deprived baby and that will be quite difficult to handle as well! Many parents find it easier to attend to their own work and chores (or even bathroom needs!) when baby is awake and playing happily with someone else or strapped to us in a baby carrier. A sleeping baby has a huge need for security and actually needs us more! Holding a baby for naps does not inculcate a “bad habit” as it is simply an in-built need that babies have. They outgrow it as the months pass. Enjoy your cuddles with your baby! Make yourself comfortable with water and snacks nearby. Read books, binge watch TV shows (with headphones, as baby grows older), listen to podcasts and audiobooks, catch up with work or social media on your phone, or simply take a snooze yourself. This is also nature’s way of making parents rest🙂 Two great articles about this: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/…/why-does-my-baby-wake…/ https://sarahockwell-smith.com/…/when-your-child-will…/ But then, why does my baby need holding only during the day and not at night? This is a common and mystifying phenomenon. Babies wake easily if put down for their daytime naps and yet sleep comfortably on a bed at night. Why does this happen? There are a few reasons. 1. Babies spend much more time in deep sleep at night than in the day. Babies and adults cycle through sleep stages like drowsiness, light sleep, REM sleep, deep sleep, deepest sleep and then back in the same order. The stages in REM, deep and deepest sleep are much longer at night than during the day. Babies need holding because, when they are in light sleep, they are likely to wake up if they sense isolation. 2. The body’s need for sleep is governed by two forces – circadian rhythms, which is the day-night pattern determined by the sun, and homeostatic rhythms, which is sleep pressure created by being awake for a certain amount of time. Day naps are created by homeostatic rhythms, not circadian rhythms (which in fact would keep us awake during the day). Night sleep is born of both circadian and homeostatic rhythms, so that is a huge sleep pressure. 3. In breastfed babies, breastmilk does impart melatonin at night (linked to the mother’s circadian rhythms), which is a sleep hormone. 4. Before night sleep, there is a proper bedtime routine and the sleep environment is often better at night – although this can be recreated for naps as well. An absolutely PITCH dark and quiet room for naps can make it much easier to put down for naps after 8-9 months. But then how will I get anything done? The temptation is high. Baby is asleep. There are a bunch of emails to reply to that you would really rather handle on a laptop than on your phone. There are calls to make. There is a pile of laundry to tackle. The house is a mess. Or maybe you could just have a cup of coffee or take a shower! Stop right there. Think for a minute. Will your baby wake up in a few minutes if you leave her side? Will you be able to put her back to sleep easily? Will she want to nurse for the rest of the nap and throw milk on your plans in any case? Or will she be fully awake and you’ll be back to square one, with an overtired, underslept baby? We are led to believe that we should “get stuff done” when baby is sleeping. That babies don’t need to be parented when they are in dreamland. That it’s efficient to put a baby down and then rush out to deal with our to-do list. That it’s lazy to lounge around with a sleeping baby. Nothing could be further from the truth. Consider the facts: 1. Babies are extremely vulnerable when they sleep. They have a biological survival instinct to be close to a caregiver while they sleep. 2. Babies wake at the end of sleep cycles or because they are hot/cold, sense separation from their caregiver or because they are hungry. This does not mean their sleep is complete. 3. You will need to bridge your baby’s sleep cycles. 4. You are sleep deprived and need sleep (or rest) yourself. 5. If you baby takes a short nap, you won’t get much done in any case. 6. If you baby is overtired, your baby will be cranky, clingy and unhappy. 7. If your baby takes a short nap, he will need to be put down again fairly soon. His subsequent naps and night sleep will be disturbed. He will not get the
5 Parenting Books I Love
5 Parenting Books I Love 1. Kiss Me! by the Spanish paediatrician Carlos Gonzalez This is a deeply researched, wittily written and eminently readable book that makes a case for parenting “with love”, as opposed to what the book calls “fascist parenting”. Dr Gonzalez argues against a culture of parenting where the parent is “in charge” and children are considered “intrinsically bad or manipulative beings” who need to be brought in control as early as possible. He believes that children are inherently good, responsible, sociable, selfless and generous. He advocates “ethical parenting” where parents don’t adopt an antagonistic position with their children and don’t tirelessly work at making the child “disciplined” or “independent”. Also, he believes that children’s bodies are programmed to know what they need and that it is best to follow their cues. He explains why children want to sleep with us at night, why going to nursery school can be such a traumatic event for them, why they cry if we leave the room, why they seem to never want to eat. He demolishes ideas like time-outs, behaviourism and the whole idea of “habits”, rewards and punishments, “training” babies to do various things – and he does it with infallible logic, immaculate research and brilliant humour. There are laugh out loud moments on every second page. Chock-full of anecdotes, studies and beautiful wit, Dr Gonzalez will mould the way you parent forever! 2. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by Diane Wiessinger and Diana West of the La Leche League This is the ultimate bible on breastfeeding. As a Leader of the La Leche League myself, I completely trust the information in this book, which includes • real-mom wisdom on breastfeeding comfortably—from avoiding sore nipples to simply enjoying the amazing bonding experience • new insights into old approaches toward latching and attaching, ages and stages, and answers to the most-asked questions • strategies for moms who choose to breastfeed for a short time or who plan to nurse for a year or more • reassuring information on nursing after a C-section or delivery complications • recent scientific data that highlight the many lifelong health benefits of breastfeeding • helpful tips for building your support network—at home or when back at work • nursing special-needs infants, premies, multiples, and how to thrive no matter what curveball life throws • guidance on breast health issues, weight gain, day care, colic, postpartum depression, food allergies, and medications Although assumed to come naturally to mother and child, breastfeeding is actually fraught with obstacles and challenges. There are, of course, medical issues sometimes, but more commonly, the problems are social and systemic. Massive marketing campaigns by infant formula manufacturers for the past century have created a medical system that is only waiting for the slightest lapse—real or perceived—in the breastfeeding relationship to introduce artificial milk to the baby. Waking multiple times every night and being strapped to a chair all day as a literal ‘mother dairy,’ social stigma around feeding in public places, inadequate pumping facilities in offices, and being plagued by constant self-doubt create both logistical problems and emotional stress for the mother. It takes a village to raise a child but, in modern urban life, not only are young parents often in nuclear setups, but easy access to scientific information and global trends has led to a generation gap between new parents and their elders. For example, our parents’ generation was raising babies at the peak of the infant formula revolution. They do not necessarily understand or relate to exclusive and long-term breastfeeding. Doctors too receive very little training on breastfeeding and, more often than not, scapegoat it for any difficulty a parent may be facing. It’s difficult for them to problem-solve the art and science of breastfeeding, which is meant to be instinctive but is often not anymore. In such a scenario, it’s very important for parents who want to breastfeed to have access to the right information. This book is a great starting point. 3. The Wonder Weeks by Frans X. Plooij, Hetty van de Rijt, and Xaviera Plas-Plooij A wonderful, practical guide for the first 20 months of a baby’s life. This book marks out 10 clear developmental leaps that babies take – naming each one a “wonder week” (versus something like a “fussy period”) because, although hard on both babies and parents, each of these periods is actually a magical leap forward in a baby’s development. From “the world of changing sensations” to “the world of sequences” to “the world of systems”, babies undergo a massive transformation and are almost reborn with a new consciousness every few weeks.Like a caterpillar struggling out of a cocoon and becoming a butterfly, babies who are undergoing such a transformation can sleep poorly, cry more, cling more, lose their appetites, experience separation or stranger anxiety, be less lively, regress in certain behaviours, throw tantrums etc, but then emerge as new beings with an amazing new set of skills. The authors suggest that parents can actually help babies work their way through a wonder week and these periods should in fact be seen as opportunities to help our babies grow. They give practical suggestions and tips on how to encourage a baby to develop the next set of skills. With my first baby, I followed the book and, with my second, the app. Although the dates didn’t always coincide exactly and some of the information repeats itself across the different wonder weeks, the central idea is useful and empowering. Wonder weeks often overlap with sleep regressions and babies do tend to sleep poorly when working on skills. Things miraculously improve once the skill is achieved and then a calm period ensues. Understanding this concept can make it easier to cope with some of those difficult weeks. 4. Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn I listened to the audiobook version of this and it was so wonderful! Alfie Kohn narrates it himself. His indignation, sarcasm and passion for the cause are so genuine.