Instagram Live with Dr. Levita D’souza I had a riveting conversation with Counselling Psychologist and Researcher, Dr Levita D’Souza, on Instagram Live, where we talked about attachment theory, attachment styles, how our own childhood experiences affect our parenting choices, ruptures and repairs in the bonding process with our babies and children, how parentj g is an opportunity for personal growth and much more! Unfortunately, there were some disturbances in the audio. So that Levita’s amazing insights don’t get lost, I am sharing a transcript for the conversation here. Do read through until the very end so that you don’t miss…

Baby Sleep 101: The basics of baby sleep It is only after we become parents that we realize what a rocky road baby sleep is and how there is just so much learn and unlearn as we meet our baby’s biological needs while getting some rest ourselves! Let’s talk about some of the basic concepts of baby sleep. Why is sleep important for your child? Whether you have a baby or a toddler, sleep plays an important developmental role. Sleep is as important as food and, yet, somehow it does not receive the same mindful attention from parents. Often, parents…

We Need to Talk About Encanto With its latest animated extravaganza, Encanto, Disney weaves its magic to shine a light on inter-generational trauma. (Contains spoilers) The latest offering from Walt Disney Animation Studios, Encanto (streaming on Hotstar in India), is a rapturously imagined, gorgeously rendered musical about the fissures within an extraordinarily gifted family. Capturing tiny hearts with its rainbow-lush imagery and catchy, chart-topping soundtrack (songs by Lin-Manuel Miranda of Moana and Hamilton fame), Encanto has also taken over social media with its themes of intergenerational trauma, sibling rivalry and immigrant displacement. Encanto-themed content on TikTok has gone viral and…

Should I follow the EASY routine? No! Please follow the exact opposite. The “Eat – Activity – Sleep – You” routine is a pet concept of sleep trainers. It is heavily marketed as a quick-fix mantra for baby sleep but is, in fact, such a bizarre concept that it is really no wonder that millions of flummoxed parents try to follow it but find themselves either failing miserably or entering a never-ending cycle of training and disconnected parenting. The EASY routine is based on the idea that babies should eat (nurse/bottle feed), then play or engage in some activity and…

Why does it seem like “other babies” don’t need as much sleep management as my bub does? Is your neighbour’s baby asleep on the couch while there is a TV blaring? Does your sister-in-law’s baby sleep through the night? Do you feel as though you’re the only “crazy person” obsessing over your baby’s sleep? You are not alone. We have all been there. Anyone who believes in practising sleep parenting wonders this from time to time. So, here are my thoughts on this: 1. There is no point in comparing with other babies because you never know the whole picture.…

Do I need to wean the breast or the bottle after my baby turns 1? As you approach your baby’s first birthday, you may wonder if you need to wean from breastfeeding. Your elders or friends or even paediatrician may suggest that you have done it for long enough and now it is, at best, not of much value and, at worst, a bad habit you will never get rid off. Well, we already know that nursing to sleep (or nursing in general) is not a bad habit and is, in fact, the biological norm. WHO recommends breastfeeding for a…

How can I handle my newborns’ fussy evenings? Evenings with newborns are called “the witching hour” as babies often cry inconsolably at this time of day. They may be fussy at the breast or they may cluster feed. They may refuse to sleep, though they look tired. Sometimes, this evening fussiness crosses over into what some doctors call “colic” – the infamous, unexplained phenomenon of a baby crying for 3 hours per day, 3 times a week for more than 3 weeks. Why Are Babies Fussy in the Evenings? There are several theories on what causes this evening fussiness. The…

Why can’t I just let my baby sleep when tired? Why all this drama? Because it won’t happen. In the beginning, we all try this. Very few of us go into parenting believing anything other than “baby will just fall asleep when tired”. However, we learn fairly quickly that this is not the case. Why is this: 1. Babies are unable to soothe themselves to sleep. If they fall asleep on their own, it is when they are tired to the point of exhaustion. 2. Overtired babies sleep badly because their bodies fill with the stress hormone cortisol. 3. Our…

My most prized baby related possession What do you think is my most prized baby related investment? The cot? Nope. It’s a repository of stuffed animals. The stroller? Delhi isn’t really a walking city, sadly. The breastpump? Too cumbersome and it was honestly easier to just lug baby everywhere with me. Expensive toys? They were played with twice each. The baby carrier? Ok, that comes pretty close. But, honestly, my most prized possession is the video baby monitor. It is my lifeline. With my video monitor, I can watch my babies while they sleep and spot the tiniest stir. I…

Baby sleeping but you can’t? Practice sleep hygiene for yourself too. Baby is sleeping but you are just tossing and turning. Baby has woken up for the nth time at night and gone back to sleep but you are unable to go back to sleep. Baby is finally sleeping through the night after 3.5 years but you are still waking multiple times every night. Sounds familiar? When sleep deprivation becomes a part of our new normal, it becomes important to pay attention to sleep hygiene and healthy sleep practices for ourselves as well, like: 1. Set your body clock –…

Should I make my baby sleep in a swing? Although I love most traditional sleep practices like babywearing, bedsharing, breastfeeding and rocking babies, there is one practice that we really need to say goodbye to and fast – and that is the traditional swing/ jhula/ cradle/ hammock/ thooli. While it can initially seem as though a baby is sleeping very well in a swing and this is a convenient alternative to holding a baby in our arms for naps, I would strongly advise you against it because: 1. Swings are unsafe, especially once the baby learns to roll over 2.…

Should I put my baby down “drowsy but awake”? The short answer: NO. The idea that one should put baby down “drowsy but awake” and hence “break sleep associations” or “teach baby to sleep on her own” is a pet concept of most sleep trainers. The idea is that, since all babies – like adults – wake at the end of a sleep cycle, they should find themselves in the same conditions that they fell asleep in, otherwise they will cry for those conditions to be recreated. The common example that is cited is: imagine you have fallen asleep on…

Will feeding infant formula help my baby sleep? Although urban legend claims formula fed babies sleep longer, there is no scientific evidence to support this. The few studies that have been done to compare the sleep of breastfed and formula fed babies do not show a statistically significant difference. Anecdotal evidence from parents around us also gives varying reports. Many formula feeding parents are equally sleep deprived and exhausted. Some do testify to longer stretches of sleep. However, there are several other parenting practices that are not accounted in these cases and so it is difficult to draw any solid…

Decoding 3 pieces of sleep jargon: “active nightwakings”, “overtiredness” and “circadian rhythms” Active nightwakings: What we call “active nightwakings” (or “split nights”) are basically occasions when a baby wakes up at night and is not easily soothed back to sleep and wants to wake fully and play. These are different from the normal wakings that are a few seconds or minutes long, where a baby is easily soothed back to sleep through feeding or rocking or, when they are older, with a cuddle. Active nightwakings can be excruciatingly exhausting for parents and, on most occasions, do indicate an issue in…

Is nursing to sleep a bad habit? Nursing to sleep is the biological norm. It is how nature intended babies to sleep. The suckling motion promotes sleep and produces sleepy hormones in both the mother and the baby. Breastmilk produced at night contains the sleep hormone, melatonin – which plays a vital role in regulating the baby’s circadian rhythms (day/night body clock). Babies also feed well when they are asleep, while they may be distracted when awake. Moreover, nursing creates comfort and security. The physical closeness with the parent helps them sleep better. It’s actually the perfectly designed sleep solution!…

What are sleep regressions and nap transitions? A sleep regression is a temporary disturbance in a baby’s sleep pattern. As the term suggests, a baby takes a few steps “back” in the way she sleeps by waking more frequently or resisting naps and bedtime or having active nightwakings or taking shorter naps or waking earlier in the morning than she did before the regression. These are usually caused by neurological changes and cognitive development. So, it is important to note that sleep regresses but the baby is undergoing a “progression” in actuality. Regressions commonly occur at ages like 4 months…

Why does my baby wake up when I put her down? It’s a familiar scene. Your baby has drifted off to sleep after feeding or rocking and you’ve waited patiently for her to show all the signs of being in deep sleep. You try gingerly to put her down on the bed. Maybe you even succeed…for 3 seconds. And then the eyes pop open. Uh-oh! Start from scratch. This is actually extremely normal. Human babies are born at a very immature and early stage of gestation. Research theorizes that human pregnancies would actually need to be 18-21 months long for…

5 Parenting Books I Love 1. Kiss Me! by the Spanish paediatrician Carlos Gonzalez This is a deeply researched, wittily written and eminently readable book that makes a case for parenting “with love”, as opposed to what the book calls “fascist parenting”. Dr Gonzalez argues against a culture of parenting where the parent is “in charge” and children are considered “intrinsically bad or manipulative beings” who need to be brought in control as early as possible. He believes that children are inherently good, responsible, sociable, selfless and generous. He advocates “ethical parenting” where parents don’t adopt an antagonistic position with…